So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My bed smells like the plague
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
