look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
