Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
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