you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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