does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
