Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize