True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Shame is for Republicans.
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