I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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