He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Randomize
