it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
