Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't want my vagina anymore.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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