dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
