Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
