I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
