YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
