Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
