My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
