is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize