i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
