you guys were way drunker than both of me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
