A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
