He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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