I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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