Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
