In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
