Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize