I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
