i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize