The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
