the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
