So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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