But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
