party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
