a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
