dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize