I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
