and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize