hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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