At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
