Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
