you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
