Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Randomize
