He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
