god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Randomize
