explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
