Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
