why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
