This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
