Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
