i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
My bed is full of blood and feathers
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
