My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
