nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
