and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
