***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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