you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Randomize
