I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
