i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize