guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
