does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
