Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
