She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I didn't notice because vodka
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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