Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
